Stay in Control & Keep Your Power
Why did she do this?
Why doesn’t he do things better?
Why isn’t she nicer? Why isn’t he stronger?
Why this? Why not that?
Constantly we complain about what others do or don’t.
Why do we keep this habit on building up a case against another person’s behaviour?
You know what I’m talking about.
For example, going to a café with a waitress who is really rude to you. There’s nothing you can do to make her becoming polite. If you confront her about it, it might be just what she was looking for to unleash her anger. If you’re overly polite with her, she’s not going to catch it. You have two options there. Either you get up and go. Or you ignore her and enjoy your coffee anyway.
Growing up we’re often told to ignore bullies. What they really want is attention. If we ignore them, they’ll go away. It’s the same thing here really. You’re not changing their behaviour. The only thing you’re controlling is your response. Bullies are difficult to deal with during childhood. You are stuck with them at school. In our adult life we still meet bullies. They’re not as clearly identified as such. But they are there. And it’s your responsibility as an adult to identify them and just like the ones from your childhood stay away from them. It’s even easier since you don’t have to go to school and be in class with them every day.
You give away your power by responding to every single trigger you get. The message you’re sending out is that anyone can have a go at you. And you will react accordingly.
Think about it from the point of you of the perpetrator. The aim here is to get a reaction. That’s how they get their kick. The whole pleasure there is to tickle until you find the soft spot and the reaction gets out of control.
There was a guy I knew from another friend who was sexist, racist and homophobic. The full house just to himself. Obviously, this didn’t agree with me at all. The first time I met him I was not aware of it. Nobody had told me. After ten minutes in our first encounter, he said a very racist joke. It was not funny at all. But what I did was pretending I didn’t get the joke. So, I got him to explain the joke to me. It put him in an awkward situation. See all he was trying to do was triggering me by saying a racist joke to my face. But what he got instead was having to explain to me why his joke was funny. The guy was hopeless and told racist jokes every time I met him. Eventually everybody got tired of him. He had to make new friends. But the most important part here is I didn’t let him get into me. I didn’t give him what he wanted. I kept my power by not reacting the way he wanted me to react.
There will always be people trying to push your buttons.
Likewise, some will always be rude and looking for a reason to start a fight.
These are the things for sure you can’t change. You have no power over them.
On the contrary you have full power over yourself. You can control yourself when you need. You know it.
You can’t change another person’s behaviour. The only thing you can change is how you react to it.
In conclusion, it is your personal choice to react. It’s up to you to let them trigger you and give them exactly what they want. Or to stay in control and starve them.
Which one will it be for you?