The Subtle Art of Resilience

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Would you like to become more resilient?

That’s something you hear a lot. How to be more resilient. Nowadays you need to build resilience.

It’s everywhere. But what does it even mean? And more importantly, how is it going to make your life better?

Resilience is defined as the capacity to recover from a difficult situation.

Now you understand better what makes it so important.

Being resilient is what is helping you not to linger on failure but to actually grow stronger as a result from it.

Sound good doesn’t it?

Now how do we do that? I’ve designed very simple ways for you.

Be Open to New Experiences

Here’s your starting point: be open to trying new things. Think about it as an opportunity to learn something, to meet people, to improve a skill, learn a new one or anything that can put it in a positive light. Just be positive about it. That’s the secret to becoming resilient in the long run. Keep a positive outlook to new opportunities

Accept that You Are Not Perfect

You are not perfect and never will be! There I’ve said it. Am I being mean or realistic? You decide.

Resilience is knowing your not perfect but at your best. You are performing at the best of your abilities and that’s what matters at the end of the day.

Would it be from the point of view of your body image or even what you think about your mental performance or emotional level, perfection is unattainable.

Why putting unachievable standards for yourself?

Learn to love what is and not focus on what is not.

Make a list of what you are good at and what you like about yourself and repeat that to yourself. This is who you are. This is what you are great at. And this is enough.

Get a Performance Mindset

In life, there are things you can control and things out of your control. For example, you can’t control the weather but you can control how you’re going to dress to face that weather.

You can think of a situation this way: What is there I can control? What is out of my control? This will help you to distance yourself from situations in which you may feel trapped.

Same goes for the goals you set for yourself. Focus on the tasks this goal involves. You can control how you’re organising your schedule around the task. You can monitor your motivation and involvement. That’s what resilience is all about. On the other hand, what you can’t control, is the outcome.

If you’re working hard to get promoted. Focus on your work aiming at the promotion. The final decision is made by other individuals with their own agenda. This is not something you can control. But in the end you can look back at the work you’ve put together and be proud of your efforts.

Take Control by Taking Responsibilities

Take back your power by not letting others making you feel bad or influence your mood. 

Who is in charge of your life? I hope you answered: “me”

You can’t write the story of your life if someone else is holding the pen. Does that resonate in you? Good! But do you really get the meaning behind it? Resilient people don’t blame others for their fate. But they take it in their own hands to make things better.

You have to be in control of your life by taking responsibilities for your actions as well as your emotions. You can’t go anywhere in life by blaming others for everything negative in your life.  

You can learn more about ways you can take responsibilities in this other article: “Your Path Towards a More Responsible Life”

View Setbacks as Opportunities to Grow

So, it didn’t work as planned, did it?

Well find out what went wrong and do better next time. Don’t be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try.

Going through failures with a success mindset is making you develop strength like never before.

Try and always get feedback to understand the root cause. You need to know where it went wrong and try again differently in order to make it better. You can’t keep doing the same thing over and over and hope for a different outcome.

That seems quite logical, doesn’t it? Yet you would be surprised by how people keep repeating the same mistake without looking back at what they may have done wrong.

Success comes eventually when you are able to adjust a situation with the feedback you got from it. That’s what being resilient means.

The important point here is not to use failure as a reason to tell yourself you can’t do it anyway. I can’t highlight this enough; failure is not a sign you should give up. It never is. It’s the sign you need to try again differently. This point is developped even further in my other article: “Lesson Learnt: What Making Mistakes Teaches You.”

What’s your Goal and Why do you Want to Achieve it?

When you have a goal, always ask yourself first why you want to achieve it. Ask yourself this question five times and write down the answers.

Once you have established your goal you can start planning it.

If you want to learn more about setting goals, check out this other article: “The Most Effective Steps to Setting Goals for Teens” It will show a very clear step by step way to create goals for yourself and reach them.

Get Support

What is the real reason behind you not wanting to ask for help?

That’s the question you have to ask yourself whenever you are struggling and still not trying to get help.

Being resilient has nothing to do with wanting to do everything by yourself without any help. Especially if you’re struggling as a result.

I know it can be hard sometimes. I feel the same way. But I had to learn with time to remember I’m not all alone in this world. Because I have friends. Friends are more than happy to provide you with all the help you need. If you don’t believe it then reverse the situation.

When a friend of yours is struggling. How do you feel about it? Don’t you just want to get in there and offer help? Don’t you feel frustrated that your friend is not asking for help or even refusing it? Don’t you feel sad not being able to help when you know it would make things easier for them?

My friends are very precious to me. That’s why I praise them so much. I have the best group ever. We support each other in every situation. We’re always there for each other. We have very similar stories became each other’s family along the way. It would never come to our mind to judge the other. And that’s what I mean, we’re here to help not comment.

Well, you may feel overwhelmed by all this information. But here’s the thing, the important is not to have it all done in two days. What really matters is that you start focusing on one point and take your time until you have it done.

In other words, you can pick and chose the one that suits you best to start with. Once you feel you have it set, ad another one and again take the time you need to do it right.

Again the important is to get started on your journey towards building resilience.

Do you want more? download my awesome free eBook now!

With this book you will be able to help your teen prepare to overcome any challenges and set-backs they encounter.

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Karina Taoughlist

Karina Taoughlist

Founder of KT Confidence Coaching, I am a professional teen confidence coach.

With my 20 years experience working with teens, I offer one-on-one online coaching
as well as a self-paced online programme designed to help teen grow into confident young adults.

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